If God is For us

If God is for us! Who can be against us? I ask with respect but desire to know honest answers. God is for us for sure in all we do. He wants us to devote ourselves to Him and serve with pure hearts and be ready to go when he says go. When he says go! why do many believers just sit and say "ummm ummm I don't know" there are tim es when God's direction is so clear cut and dry you'd have to be blinder then me to not see it. but many iof us don't go.

I think the reason is simple. We are afraid of what brother or sister so and so might think if we step out in faith and answer the call of God. Well muy answer to that is: "Stop!!! you don't have to answer to them!" The Lord Jesus Christ has called you so go and do. Don't worry anything about it. just look for ways to get it done and if needs be look for the help. If it it is truly from the Lord he will provide a way even when it seems there is really no way.

UIf God is for us no one can be against us. He'll make the way smooth and prosperous and will cause the doubters to stop doubting and take notice. So step out in faith I know it is a hard thing but after you take that first step each step begins to get easier and easier. So stop sitting on the permises and stand on the Promise of God and go!!

the walk

It is said "the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" Many of you are standing still and being fearful of taking that first step. You say "no one walks with me" this is untrue! Because if you are a believer in Jesus Christ UHe is always with you and will never leave you. He is right by your side ready to guide direct strengthen and encourage.

It may seem like no one walks with you and often times this road will feel lonely but know this for certain that you have many who have gone before you cheering you on and the Lord will be right there through the good, the bad and the ugly and everything in between. Just pray and ask Him. He will listen to all your fear and hand those fears to him and he'll take them away and replace them with the power to move on and continue.

Fear not my brother and sister for I know that walking the road sees dark at times but joy will come in the morning. Just wait on the Lord and He'll renew your strength. Stay in continual meditation of the Word and prayer. You won't go wrong when you do that.

For me I want to serve the Lord in a arena where I speak motivationally, to inspire or simplely just teaching the Word of God. When and where I don't know. But am willing to go where He sends me and am assured that he'll provide the means and way for it all to take place. I trust in an awesome God and know His way is perfect and that he'll never send me where He himself wouldn't go and will not allow me to go through anything that can't be handled.

So cheer dear saints and smile for your Master the Lord Jesus has a plan for you and will helpyou to see it through. Walk don't run and go at the speed he sets for He knows best.

giving thanks

I was thinking today. with it being Thanksgiving day here in the United states. I was thinking about being thankful.

While I am thankful for many thiings this past year. I willnot mention them all here because most of them are the basics that we are all thankful for. However, I was thinking about the passage in James: "count it all joy when you suffer trials and tribulations, knowing that the testing of your faith works patients"

Was thinking, how many of us stop and thank God for our struggles we go through? James says to count it all joy. when one takes joy in something then they usually are saying at some point that they are thankful for it. So in a short ad round about way. I am thank for all the strggles I've had this year and continue to have. Because I know for certain that in the end I will win. Because with Lord on my side how can I loose. While I am still without a permanent job and still single and am not dating anyone at the moment. I am thankful for the struggle because the yet is yet to come.

So let us all push forward today and remember to give thanks for all that we have but don't forget to thank God for your struggle. because ion the end if know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour you'll win the ultimate prize. After He is the only way to Heaven. many say there are mutiple ways but they're wrong Jesus is the only way. so stay close to Him and you won't go wrong. Struggle you will and be tested it is certain. but in the end you'll win. so count it joy and when doing that thank God for it and let's move ahead and be victorious in life. Remember you can choose to be a victum or a vitor. it is all up to you. I hope and pray you choose to be a victor. I choose that and will stay on course.

God bless one and all and let's all remember to pray for one another and keep moving forward and help one another.

I am bell ringing this year stay tuned for a posting on that.

to cry or not?

It is a common philosphy that men are taught from childhood up. "Real men don't cry." We are taught this via movies, books, television and even by some well meaning adults. On the other hand we have some people that tell us "it is alright to cry." however this is usually nly when a major tragedy has occured in our lives. Also to reinforce the idea many times, and I realize it isn't meant to be as such, but if we are crying as a child over something parents are known to say "stop crying or i'll give you something to cry about."

I realize that sometimes crying isn't called for with kids but one should use discernment.
is it alright for a man to cry? Well what does the Bible "the word of our one true God." say. John 11 35 "jesus wept." also when he was in the garden before he was about to be cruicified. "Jesus cried tears of blood." So men abolish the thought in your mind. that it is wrong for a real man to cry. Jesus "yeshua" was a real man and he cried. We are to be like Christ so there you go it is alright for a real man to cry.

Don't be afraid to show that emotion in public or private. it is all good. don't be ashamed as I've been in the past about crying. in fact i've been knonw to apologize for crying. So if you need to cry feel free and let the tears flow. not only will it help you feel better it shows you have heart. and that is really what is important. a real man has a "heart"

eyes

It has occured to me that many of us have a tendacy to choose what we will or will not see. While to a degree this is admirable. However; we need to ask the Lord so see things the way he sees them. It is when we do this we often tiems will things we had beforehand chose not to see. It may scare us and often tiems cause us to shed tears. But we need to see things as the Lord sees them

We need to pray "give me your eyes Lord that I may see the way you see and give me your heart that I may love the way you love." We often choose who we'll love. this is sin and needs to cease. We are to love one another as Christ loves all. Showing that love is difficult but easy at the same time.

While I realize it sometimes hurts to love someone we need to till do it. Who knows where that display of love will lead. It may very well bring another lost soul in the kingdom.

Saying "I love you" isn't enough. one needs to demostrate said love. We need to have a lot more action in our life if we want to win others for Christ.

I am reminded of a song that came out in the 80's be a nonchristian group the chorus said "a little less talk and a lot more action." as Petra said "sometimes God's people should be seen and not heard." To much talk and not enough walk.

So pray for the eyes of Jesus and the heart and watch out. because you may need to boldly go where no man has gone before.

influence

We have many things in this world that influence us. We have movies, music and television. But the greatest influence is people. While what we hear and see on television and the music we listen to does have a remarkable influence and impact. People often times have greater.
The other day I was thinking of people that the Lord has brought in my life. Some believers as myself and others unbelievers. But both have hd major impacts on my life. Some to greater degrees then others. unfortnately some of them have passed on and so I can not thank them but others I have lost track of and have no clue where to begin to find them to thank them.

That is why it is so keenly important we monitor how we conduct ourselves around others. We are always being watched and who knows what kind of influence our words, actions or lack of such will have.

The Lord brings people in our lives for a reason. Sometimes it is to teach us a lesson or sometimes it is to comfort us andother times it is to encourage us. Whatever the reason cherish those people while you can. If they are meant to stay with you until you die or until they die or until the Lord comes. But when they do leave physically. Know that they will always be with you in your heart. We need to remember to listen more then we speak. that is why we have one mouth and 2 ears. So think befor you speak. the words you say will impact. Hopefully for the good but if it ends up for the bad. Well then move on and hope that you can be forgiven. And if someone has said or done something that has impacted you for the lesser degree. and they come to you and seek forgiveness? then forgive them embrace them and move forward.

some would say that music has no influence or impact. it does. sometimes we don' realize it but it does. and we do. we may never know what extent we've impacted someone or how. but know this you will and o impact others. You may never know how or to what degree until you reach Heaven. But take satisfaction in knowing that you can make a difference.

sheep

I have been thinking about something lately. Why? of all animals and things that we can be compared with does Jesus compare us to sheep? well it is a stupid animal. they'll follow anything pretty much. we are stupid. I know that is insulting to be called stupid. but when it boils down to it we are. we all do stupid stuff. I don't care if you have a phd or a masters. but sheep will follow anything. however get them in your camp and train them well they will obnly listen to their masters voice. Jesus said "my sheep hear my voice" "a stranger they will not follow" so let's get to know our masters voice better so that we won't follow another voice. it is easier said then done but it is well worth it in the long run.

angels

I know that many of you my faithful readers know that angels exist. But it has occured tome that some of you don't truly believe or say that we don't or can't see them. I beg to differ.

While I lived in Denver I experienced this. I was staying at the Salvation Army. My wife "now x" was down the road at the Samartian house. I decided it would help our marriage improve if I could stay there. At the time we were going through a split. Well I went down and they had only one bed available. the way they handled it is each person was given a card and if they drew your card you got it. Well my card wasn't drawn. as I was getting ready to leave was told dan stay put. there seemed to be a gentlemen speaking to them in front and motioning to me. he then left the gate and just like that dissappeared. as you guessed it I got the bed. amazing!

one more example. while I was living in Denver I was waiting for the bus when a gentlemen approached me and said "God wants me to give this to you" then he was gone. he handed me a bill. I thought it was a dollar when I tried to get change for it it didn't work. I asked a supervisor at work what it was she said "it is a $50" this came in handy we needed to get laundry done and some food and pay day was a couple days away.

so do angels exist? yes and we do see them in the flesh. howbeit they don't show hallows and wings but after the fact it is obvious aftter the event we experienced an angel. I have a few more examples but this would go on for quite a while. So I will close for now. May the Lord richly bless you and keep you. May he cause His face to shine on you and may He give you His peace.

blind

As many of you my faithful readers know; I am totally blind. Some you may be reading for the first time and don't know this. So let me fill you in on how I deal with this issue.

I was not born blind. I was born with congential Gloucoma. When I was released from the hospital with mom I received my first of a number of eye surgeries. While I didn't have perfect eye sight it was good enough to do all the typical things a child does. Even after loosing it totally I still did the typical things. Anyway over the years I had many eye Doctor appointments. and after it was all said and done I ended up loosing my sight totally at about the age 10.

I had gone in for an eye surgery and they wanted me to use the rest room I really didn't want to but was forced. While walking to the rest room I was sick to my stomach. this happened not long after returning home. as a result I had some blood vessels break. I remember one morning waking up and not seeing anything at all. this of course scared me and my mom.

In fact the morning this happened I was bumping into a bunch of stuff. Mom thought I was messing around. I cried "I can't see anything." we went in an saw the doctor. for the next 6 weeks I saw nothing. I was home schooled. when my eyes cleared I was taken out of my normal school and put into a school where I would be taught those things I needed.

During this time I will admit I was a mix of emotions. I was sad, angry and confused. Angry because I felt I was lied to. The doctors seemed to make me feel that this would make my eyes all better and i'll admit now not then of course a little at my parents because I was taken out my home school. but most of all for a bit angry at God because he let these adults do this to me. While yes i had many people praying for me and yes I was and am still of course a believer in Jesus. so that helped.

in a nut shell I guess in answer to the question "how do you handle being blind?" one day at a time and with much prayer. The Lord has a reason for this all taking place. I don't totally know why but am seeing it a little more and more each day. Thankfully my parents have never let me use my blindness as an excuse as to "can't" i tried but they wouldn't let me. for that I am thankful. so now for those of you who are struggling. God will make a way and believe him and in yourself and try. there is no "can't" do it and give it a try. if it ends up you are truly unable then you tried and know. you will never know unless you try. I still struggle from time to time with depression like everyone else. and from time to time my blindness bugs me. but it is not a "disability" it is a nuesance. the government says I am disabled or "handicaped" i dispise those terms. some even say "visually challenged" but I am who I am and will continue to move forward.

the call

We are often times called on to do many things during our life. Some of those calls we are forced to answer. We have no choice in the matter.

such calls like:
going to school from elementary to high school
meal time while living with our parents

while other calls we have choices to answer or not. however the Lord calls us. and that is a call we all aught to answer the result is eternity in hell. But after that call is answered and we have a relationship with him. then he often times will call us for other things. sometimes we answer those calls willing and other times we do it out of obligation.

But there is a specific call that we all are given and it is not the same for all. If we choose to answer that call it is awesome and the Lord will equipt us to do it. but we can choose to refuse to answer. that doesn't mean we'll loose chance to go to heaven.

Many will say but "I am not equiped to do that kind of call or how will I do it." I heard a quote a while back that says "God doesn't call the equiped he equipts the called." So answer the call then pray and seek for how to get it done and the Lord will show you. For me I feel that the Lord is calling me to be a public speaker/evangelist. how? I have no clue when and where to begin but am keeping my eyes open. I know he's equiped me with the ability to speak and has given me the spiritual gift of teaching. So I am now just praying and wondering how and where I can begin. It is fearful when you choose to answer the call but answer it by faith and trust the Lord to see you through and he'll get it done.
so the next time you hear the call to serve in com compacity or another go and do it. and keep your ears open for your personal calling.

there is one call that none can avoid and that is the call of death. it is appointed for man die. and when you answer that call pending on how you answered the initial call will determine where you spend eternity.

forgetting?

Why is it we often times forget our Lord. We remember him when we are soaring like eagles or sitting on top the high mountains. However when we are in the darkest forest, the depth of dispare or in the deep valley we forget him.

We forget that he says "I will never leave thee or forsake." We forget that hs is always with us and will not forsake us. He will be with us always.

It is when we are going through those times he is actually closer to us then we realize. He is carrying us through. David said in Psalms 23 "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and staff protect me."

I realize that some of yu reading this are going through some storms in life. realize they will pass. know that weeping may be during the night but joy comes in the morning. The joy of the Lord is our strength.

It is the Lord who will protect us. Satan wants us to think we are forgotten and neglected. this is false the Lord gathers us under his wings like a hen gathers her little chicks. we often feel that the Lord has abandoned us. he has not. we drop the ball it is true but he picks up the ball is ready to hand it back to us.

The solutions is easy but hard. Let Jesus take the wheel of our life and drive. he knows where all the bumps are and can avoid them. it is when we try to tak the wheel and drive we drop in cracks and sputter and get lost. but Jesus is there and ready to take over if we will let him. he will never push his way but will allow circumstances to come our way that will cause us to look to him for guidance and help. circumstances may get severe before we really realize how desperately we need Jesus. but we can get through them for he will not suffer us to go through more then we are able to handle.

321 action

It is said that action is fast but slow by some or not at all with others. there was a song that came out years back by Petra in which the chorus went "sometimes God's childrend should be seen not heard, to much talk and not enough walk"

This is so true. many christians are guilty of talking more then walking. I've been guilty at times of this. but if we act more then we talk the world will observe and may very well believe. James said it best faith without works is dead. so what are works? they are deeds that we do I realize.

However, in doing deeds we ar doing action right? let our actions line up with our talk and vice versa. to many times we say one thing and do something else. thgis sends mixxed messages to the world around us.

there are some that will say "I can't help but..." I say. yes you can help doing... With the help of the Lord via his Holy Spirit you sure can. we need to get the word "can't" out of our vocabulary and look for ways that we can. if we ineed are unable then we need to find a way to find a way. not just talk about doing it but follow through and do it. this is easier said then done I realize but if you take thoughts captive and submit daily to the Lord you'll be surprised what you'll be able to do. you can "do all things through Christ who strengthens you." start claiming God's promises and starting acting and speak alike and watch and see what the Lord will do.

feeling saved?

I've been asked a few times "how does it feel to be saved?" usually this is asked of me sarcastly. I usually respond

"I don't have to feel saved to know that I am saved." "I have the same emotions as anyone else and being saved doesn't eliminate some emotions."

It is only because of what Jesus did that I can even be saved. The fact that he came as was fortold and died and rose again. that is how I know that I am saved. because the Bible says "whosoever" will call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. there are days when I don't feel saved. in fact I have days where I don't look saved or even smell saved. I know though that I am.

I do my best to monitor my actions though. because it is true that actions speak louder then words. You may say that you are saved. but...

If you hit people, spit on others and do things that others who are not saved while at the same time say I am a christian. how do you think you'll win others for the cause of Christ.

actions and words need to match. on the other side if you act saved but when the spot light is off you you say or use terms that don't show your salvation then the same deal applies.

I am not saying that I am perfect. I do mess up. but I know that when I do I can go to my Lord ans Saviour and ask for forgiveness and know that I am forgiven. this is no excuse mind you but rest assured once I have accept Jesus in my heart he will never leave. I can not do anything to get rid of him. like the old commercial says "i am stuck on bandades and bandades stuck on me" I am stuck on Jesus and Jesus is stuck on me.

let our actions and word match and let us be bold for the Lord Jesus and set on world on fire with the truth of Jesus Christ. He'll forvige anyone for anything they've ever done or ever will do. how do I know the Bible tells me. so.

child like faith

It is amazing! Children have amazing faith. They believe so sweetly and simplely. If only we could have this kind of faith.

I realize that it is difficult because we allow our minds to be clouded by our experience in the past and current experiences. But Jesus said "unless you become like children you can't enter the kingdom" This comes from a conversation that I recently had.

A couple of days ago I was talking with a friend. I had just met her son the day prior to this conversation. On their way to Chuckie Cheese he wanted to know if I would be there. she told him taht maybe some other time. He had been to Vacation Bible School the week prior and brought up a story that he remembered. He recalled about Jesus healing the blind man by putting "mud" or clay on his eyes. He simplely told his mom "I know what can help dan" she ask what "he just needs to put mud on his eyes"

a child's faith! how I wish it was that simple for me to get my sight back. But the point was that Jesus can heal me. he realized this and was hoping that it could happen. We need to get off our high horse and become like children and accept things as they come. we need to have faith and trust in our Lord and know that he can do awesome things.

do I believe that I can be healed of my blindness? yes! I do! but I know this for certain that Jesus has a plan for me. if it means that I don't see again until I see Him in glory then so beit. but if sooner! then I am ready. Kids always say the coolest thigns. it is time we adults start listening a little closer. Who knows what truths they can help open our eyes to.
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the tongue

We all use it and have one. A tongue that is. and how we use our tongue is sometimes a huge problem.

James tells us that "out of the mouth come praising and cursing, this shouldn't be." This is true. We are often quick to praise God for all he's done in our lives. and sometimes far to quick to curse others for things they've done or haven't done.

We should think befor we speak. we should listen twice as much as we speak. that is why we have 2 ears and only one mouth. I realize that people do things that get under our skin but think befor you speak.

You should think "if Jesus did this how would I speak" we need to speak in love and not with intent to hurt or condemn and with a vengance.

The saying "stick and tones may break my bones but your names will never hurt me:" is a lie! names do hurt. I think we could see the wounds we cause by our words we'd probably think twice. Words can heal as well. so think befor you speak.

for some this is more difficult then others I realize. but it is a practice one needs to do. the Psalmist says "let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you oh Lord my God and redeemer"

I realize that someone may have said something that hurts big time. think befor you say in response and speak in love. sometimes what we have to say may hurt but do it in a way that shows your love for that person. Every action has a reaction. we all have seen that the shortest words or such spoken or writen can cause a world of trouble or a world of good.

in closing it is not what you say that is going to get your message to someone. it is HOW!! you say what you say that is going to convey a message whether intended or not. you may say "i didn't mean it that way." but how did you say it? that is key.

God bless and we'll post soon.

healing

Leththe healing begin. many of us experience hurt. we've been hurt by someone who may or may not have intended to hurt us. but we need to allow ourselves to heal from those wounds.

you may say it hurts to heal. I say yes it does. this is because the crud has to be washed out of the wound. how does it begin? well the person who did the hurt needs to come and apologize and repent.

we as believers in Christ are commanded and instructed to forgive that person. is it easy? no it is not. it hurts sometimes to forgive but one must forgive in order for the healing process to begin. it takes times to heal and one needs to be patient. One needs to keep looking to Jesus the devine healer.

will the wound leave a scar? it might. it might be visable for a time. but time heals all wounds and once we are completely healed then things return to normal.

however the key to the healing begining is forgiveness. sometimes easy but sometimes hard. but always important and needed.

will the wound be reopend? sometimes but if that happens then healing still takes place and the same remendy must happen. but we also need to be willing for healing to take place.

ome people seem to love being wounded and showing their wounds and they seem to be proud of them. this isn't good some times we need to cut ties in order for true healing to begin. but what ever you do do according to the leading the Holy Spirit and no way else.

forgiveness

It has come to my attention that I need to write about forgiveness. I realize that this is not always easy for us to do.

But I assure it is vitally important. You may ask how often? I say always. no limit to how often.

I know that some hurts are more difficult to forgive then others. But we are still commanded in scripture to forgive. I John tells us that "if we can't forgive our own brother who we see how can we expect God to forgive us" I am not saying that God doesn't forgive us for any and all wrongs "sins" but we need to have the attitude of forgiveness. because we know we are forgiven for our mistakes and expect to be forgiven. we should forgive and put the past in the past.

it is difficult but is needed and you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel in the long run.

when we forgive we are showing Christ. and when others see that then who knows what may happen. you very well coulkd be that one example that they see that brings them to Christ. the world is always looking at us wondering how and when we will act. if we act anything but godly then they see no difference and won't convert however show Christ and forgive even when it hurts well that is another story. I am sure that it hurt the Father to see his son hanging on the cross paying for our sin but yet he still forgives us for our sin and accepts us and loves us just the same.

life choices

We all have decisions or choices that we need to make in life. Some of these are extremely simple; while others take a lot of thought and others need to be prayed about big time. However, in my thoughts over the last few months, it all comes down to 3 decisions that are extremely important. The result of which will have major effects. The first obvious one is "where youare going to spend eternity." I explained how to make this decision in my last post and it is my hope that you have done so. The other 2 while important don't rank as important as the first one here. These are:
choosing to be a victum or victor.

Whatever the choice you make it will have major impact for years to come. Like all decisions we make. All decisions wil have an impact on our future and others. maybe not an immediate impact but it will have an impact.

You can choose to be a victum. one who just sits and cries and complains that it isn't going your way. A victum always blames others for his/her problems and struggles and doesn't see that it is possible. They cry and moan loudly and unbearablely.

You can choose the opposite. That is to say you can choose to be a VICTOR!!! A victor stands up. takes notice and gets the job done. A victor says "if it is going to be I will get it done one way or another." they realize that troubles come but they lookat them as challenges that will help them grow and become stronger. They realize if it it is not truly possiblely for them to do it then they find someone or something that will get it done. They exhaust all avenues before giving up.

Victors are more thrilling to be around in fact their attitude is contagious and has an almost immediate impact on those around them. their decisions impact all around like the victum. but the victor accepts responsiblity for what is happening and knows that their decision to or not to do something will impact for the good or bad.

I will admit aht not all decisions we make are good. in fact many of them are not. however not deciding is worse because it shows lack of effort and lack of desire. but you need to choose today to be a victum or victor. then run with it and go with it. I hope that you choose to ve a victor. because doing this will prove to be fruitful and your health will be better for it and you'll find others will be more happy to be around you.

above all else choose to smile and know that your attitude is a decision and choosing it and how your respond is vitally important. every action has an reaction. So choose to be a victor and lets move ahead and make a difference.

who do you follow?

We live in a day and age where everyone is looking for someone to follow. But when choosing someone to follow you must be very very careful. Don't just at a flip of a switch choose someone; only to find out later it was not wise for one reason or another. Sad to say some people find out to late and are not able to recover from that decision.

We as Christians obviously have chose to follow Jesus Christ. He is our person we want to follow. But we don't see Him in the flesh and having said that it is obvious that it is difficult someone you can't see. I realize it says in scripture "faith is the substance hoped for..." Hebrews 11 verse 1. So choose a person you can look to that you can follow. Be careful. commit it much prayer and do your due research.

ow do you research? check scripture with what they are saying. make sure it lines up. secondly observe their life. do they reflect what they teach? if something doesn't line up then you reallly should find someone else to follow. it is not an easy task but who you follow reflects on you. because you are what you read and learn. You hang around trash long enough? well you'll eventually smell like trash. I for one don't like to smell trash and hate being around it. I enjoy fresh smelling flowers and fresh smells. they are pleasing and comforting. so I'll tend to try and hang around that. the same is with people if your life smells good and fresh it will draw people. and as you draw people you should ultimately point them to Jesus. not to you. when it bils down you should see Jesus in the person you follow and and the person. it is said back in the day "you are the only Jesus some will ever see." so make sure your life lines up. sure enough your not perfect but as long as people see you are human and not acting like your perfect they will be drawn to you because your being genuine. some may leave you because they find you don't glitch with them for one reason or another but stay on task do do what Jesus would do. Remember that Jesus loves you! and so do I!

who loves you more?

It has occured to me that we often times forget to say I love you. and I do love you all of you my readers. no matter who you are, where you are or what you've done I love you. but a follow up question that my daughter has been known to ask once and a while "who loves you more then I do?"survey says! God!!! yes God loves you more then i do and he doesn't care where you've been or what you've done or where you're from. He loves you so much that he sent His one and only Son Jesus Christ to pay the price. Jesus came and lived like we live and did nothing wrong. however they cruicified him on a cross. he bled and died to pay the price for all and I mean all of our wrong "sin" doings. however he did not stay dead. he rose again 3 days later as he promised he would. you may say "I've done...." it doesn't matter He loves you no matter what. He wants you to come to him with your hurt joy and all you have or even what you don't have. he will bless you mightily. you may ask "how?" well it is simple just pray. you may say "pray?" "Idon't know the words or how" well let be the first to tell you it doesn't matter how or what you say. just ask Jesus to forgive you for all that you've done and ask him to come and live in your heart. scripture says "if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you shal be saved." it doesn't stipulate any other condition. you may say can I loose my salvation? I say NO!!!! Jesus says he will never leave you nor forsake you. just pray daily in fact always pray that Jesus be your guide. and if by some odd mishap you do something wrong just repent and turn from it. it doesn't matter how often this happens you're human and bound to make mistakes as I do. But God loves! you!! yes you!! scripture says "whosoever calls on the name of the Lord shal be saved" that means anyone anytime and anywhere. i beg of you if you haven't done this do it. don't do it for me do it for yourself. and after you've done it you won't regret it. then find a church and get yourself a Bible and read it daily. that is how you'll get to know Jesus more and more better. feel free to write me if you want more information or need help with any of those things. if you want you can call me as well. I am ready to listen and help the best I can.